Failure

Sometimes, as a photographer - or just as a person - you'll set out with the best intentions to create something and fail miserably. You'll get behind your computer, download the images and your heart will sink. All that effort, planning and time for nothing; or was it for nothing?

That "failure" is a valuable lesson. I know it never feels like it, but sorting through old photos I found one such instance - out of a deep well of failures or shall we call them; lessons? This particular one stuck with me though as it was for my series "Arguing with Myself" which I captured at a stage where I was experiencing a lot of inner turmoil and unease.

I basically had to beat my negativity and self-doubt down, tie them up, lock them in a room and swallow the key; to go out and make these photos. They weren't comfortable and I never intended for them to be anything but uncomfortable to go out and make.

Recently I wanted to recreate this painting by artist Mark Maggiori.

Do yourself a favour and click on the image to view more of his work.

I am not sure how it happened, but I think my friend Gerhard Uys shared one of his paintings on Instagram and I was immediately drawn to it, so I got in touch with him and suggested that we should go out and make some cool photos of him as a cowboy. Editors note: Did I mention he f**king loves Cowboys?

So, eventually after months of trying to find a location, a horse and a time, that suited everyone involved we finally shot it in middle July. We all woke up really early, drove out to Hartebeespoort Dam, got the horse saddled up and drove out to the spot, set up for the shot and... I'd love to say; nailed the image, however that would be a lie.

Another shoot, another lesson learnt.

Here's the unretouched version of the failed recreation.

That's a pretty subpar image right? Heck, subpar is putting it kindly. It's shit. I am fully intent on going back and nailing it though. I have a different spot I want to shoot at and I think it'll work.

However, it wasn't a total waste. Right before we packed up the sun was shining through the trees to our left and lighting up the tall grass and I grabbed several portraits that I am pretty happy with and I am glad I took the time to shoot them, but the one that eluded me will be captured. Mark my words.

Thanks for reading

Winter

I am not going to lie. This winter was a tough one. It wasn't particularly cold or anything, but I was flying by the seat of my pants in regards to my work. I questioned my decisions. I doubted my abilities. I made it out alive though.

When I am not creating work, I tend to not want to create work; if that makes sense. I believe I am a hack and that this has all just been a fluke up until now and I should just go back to working some desk job.

Then I remember that I've pretty much only been on this full-time photographer train for just over a year and for five months of said year I was interning with Zack Arias. It takes a lifetime to build a career and I've not even made a ripple in this pool. Hell, I am not even in the pool, yet.

Roughly a month ago I decided enough was enough; I needed to shoot new work. Just for myself. I needed to grease the gears and shake off the dust. On that first shoot I could feel I was out of sync. I wasn't as confident in myself as I had been, but I was shooting again and that felt pretty damn good.

Here's some images from the shoot with my friend Annicia. Thanks for sitting in front of my camera.

Thanks for reading

Pietà

So, here it is! The BIG reveal. The image that was a year in the making. I am super proud of this photo and very thankful to everyone that helped make it.

Right before I went to the USA last year to intern with Zack I met up with a friend of mine who was starting a small independent design company called "Brother Lawrence". We (myself, him, his partner in the company and my stylist friend Pierre) sat down and started tossing ideas around and so we eventually came up with the idea to recreate Michelangelo's Pietà sculpture as a photograph.

The thing that especially got us hooked on the idea is that he is a white Afrikaans dude and she is a black Basotho girl and with race always looming over us we set out to make the image. And what do you want to do when you make art? You want people to talk and ask questions and be confused/angry/curious/happy. Why did this person create this? What are they saying? Well, we weren't trying to "say" anything. We just wanted to make a cool image for them and perhaps stoke the fire a bit? ;)

A week before I left we were scrambling to arrange everything for the shoot, but then I decided it was too rushed. None of us were ready, hell; I wasn't ready. The image needed some finesse and a little more knowledge and expertise, so I promised to make the image when I got back and had learned from the master. (Read: yes, you Zack :D).

So, off I went to America, always keeping that image in the back of my mind, asking Zack's advice. Figuring out how I was going to light it. How would I position my subjects and on and on it went. I finally came back and felt I was ready to shoot it, but then tragedy. The company had decided to disband and both move on to other things. I still wanted to make that image, so we regrouped and planned and looked for a model to accompany Gerhard. A few months passed and after tons of admin, emails, wardrobe sourcing we got together on a Saturday and made something awesome (at least I think it's awesome).

I made this photo with friends and with the help of friends and a stranger or two and I am very proud of what I (read: we) made.

Thank you to Pierre du Plessis for the styling and wardrobe sourcing - I helped here as well :P. Thank you Gerhard van Wyk and Karabo Poppy for meeting with me and Pierre and helping us with the concept. Thank you Ett Venter for assisting me (and providing the BTS images) on the shoot and helping me setup 3 hours beforehand and testing the light so that the models didn't have to sit around and wait. Thank you Laura Jane for putting me in touch with the make-up artist Courtney Chadwick. Courtney, did make-up for a shoot in the morning, had a wedding after that and then rushed through to come and help me out. What a legend. Thank you to Bianca Koyabe the beautiful model. You are a pro and your expertise got us all home quicker than I ever could have imagined. Gerhard, your "expertise" in being the dead soldier was also great ;)

And lastly I want to thank Zack Arias for helping me wrap my head around lighting this photo. It's probably the most involved lighting setup I have ever used on a shoot and I could not have done it without your advice and guidance.

Thanks for reading

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Editors Note: I was made aware last night, that I might just get that fire started. Like I said; race is still a big issue, especially in South Africa and this might be a bit of a grey area, but I will stand by this image. I am proud of this image.