Fighting Personal Demons

It seems that I am constantly filled with self doubt. I find that I question myself almost on a daily basis. It's kind of insane :) Where is it all coming from? I think I have too much time during my the daily grind of nine to five (seven to four in my case) to question and doubt my abilities as a photographer and a "creative".

Last week Thursday I decided; "F**k it! Get over yourself man! Go and make something today even if you fail. Just go out there and do it". This video by Zack Arias is an old one, but it reigns so true to me.
Before you carry on reading. Here's the video.

Done watching? Okay. Amazing right?! 

What I love about Zack is, he says it as it is. No BS! No beating around the bush. Just in your face honesty and that's what you need. "Transformation takes time and from what I've seen; it's worth the wait".

I love that last sentence. I am still transforming, still finding my "voice" and sometimes we just need that pep talk; whether it's coming from ourselves or a 4 year old video you've watched 10 times. It seems I need a lot of ass kicking though, especially from myself, but I'll carry on doing it and crafting my skills and getting better even if I have to physically beat my lazy ass into gear, I WILL do it.

Here's my photo from last week. 

Ashes.jpg

This image almost didn't exist. That's a weird thought right? Because here it is. You're looking at it, but think for a moment. If I didn't go out and make this, it would not exist. Maybe in my mind yes, but you wouldn't be looking at it right now.

Even after I had taken the 16 or 20 images this photo is made out of, I almost gave up. Photoshop would NOT merge them no matter what I tried, so I gave up. Then later that evening I decided let me give it one more go and I started manually blending the images together and man, was it glorious! I got so damn excited as the image took shape.

Some have asked me what the story behind it is. It's basically my frustration with myself. This constant battle that I have raging inside my head. Screaming from opposite sides of the fence. I'll be continuing the series, but progress will be slow as I find that I have to be in a certain mind set for the images to not feel forced. In between though I'll be plotting new things and creating new work.

Thanks for reading

Welcome!

I can't even explain how long it has taken to get to this point, but I've made it. My site is up.

Wow! My own website! Who'd have thought? :) I am really proud and I'd just like to take a moment to thank everyone who have supported me. From kind words, encouraging me to do what I do, to harsh criticisms (mostly from myself) and everyone in between who has ever hired me, bought some of my work or just given me the opportunity to take their photo.

Now this isn't just a joyful post, but a roller-coaster ride of emotion :P Filled with sadness and contempt. My Nikon D700 was stolen out of my car on the 21st of March along with two of my lenses. I was really sad, angry and annoyed by this and decided to go out and create an image with my little old D90 to show how I felt; being pulled in all directions emotionally.

This was the result:

Frustration.jpg

I created it in about 2 hours, from shooting to finished edit and I'm really happy with how it came out. Turning the camera on oneself isn't always easy and I had to go back and forth between the camera like 50 times. The final image is composed of 4 shots in total and me having to build in some extra bits that I did not photograph. 

I'll try to keep future posts a little shorter, but just had to get some things off my chest. I am also currently busy with a portrait project which I can't wait to share. For the time being you can go view the first result here.

Welcome once again and enjoy. If you want to get in touch, all the info you need is on the site.

Thanks for reading