So, here's the Plan

Things have been pretty quiet on the blog front. I don't really like to post anything if I don't have new work to share or something worth saying.

That's changed in the past month or so. I've been scheming and wrapping my head around something pretty big and scary; for me.

Let me just back up for a second here and fill in a blank or two. I'm 28 years old and I have NEVER traveled. The furthest I've been, is Mozambique in 2011. My original plan was that I needed to travel before I hit the big THREE OH. Just a holiday for a couple of weeks next year, but little did I know from this seed would grow a much bigger idea. Something way out of my comfort zone.

So, I've made the decision that I want to go intern for a photographer I admire and look up to a lot. Whom he OR she is, I am not going to share until I know something more concrete. So in this week I have some things to resolve - the first piece of the puzzle - which is to send off my "application"  and then wait, before I can set the wheels in motion.

On Wednesday last week I went out and created one of the photos that will be part of my portfolio I'll be sending off to him/her. I shot two, but I am thinking of scrapping the other one. I'd like to just take a moment to thank my friend Ett for the crazy amount of help on the 12 hour day of shooting and moving around. It was pretty damn rad!

Here is the final image (probably). 

This idea basically spawned from my application letter as to what I'd be willing to do if I got the opportunity to intern for said photographer. Ett originally suggested something else I mentioned and then from that came this image after lying awake in bed one night a week and a half ago. 

I wanted a ton of gear hanging from me as well, but kinda forgot about it and after doing 40 or something different shots, Ett started to get a little heavy, so I'm kinda glad I didn't do that as well. I am super happy with the end result though.

So that's my plan. Whether it will work I have no idea, but it's worth a shot.

Thanks for reading

Fighting Personal Demons

It seems that I am constantly filled with self doubt. I find that I question myself almost on a daily basis. It's kind of insane :) Where is it all coming from? I think I have too much time during my the daily grind of nine to five (seven to four in my case) to question and doubt my abilities as a photographer and a "creative".

Last week Thursday I decided; "F**k it! Get over yourself man! Go and make something today even if you fail. Just go out there and do it". This video by Zack Arias is an old one, but it reigns so true to me.
Before you carry on reading. Here's the video.

This is a short film I made for a guest blog entry on www.ScottKelby.com. I hope you enjoy it.

Done watching? Okay. Amazing right?! 

What I love about Zack is, he says it as it is. No BS! No beating around the bush. Just in your face honesty and that's what you need. "Transformation takes time and from what I've seen; it's worth the wait".

I love that last sentence. I am still transforming, still finding my "voice" and sometimes we just need that pep talk; whether it's coming from ourselves or a 4 year old video you've watched 10 times. It seems I need a lot of ass kicking though, especially from myself, but I'll carry on doing it and crafting my skills and getting better even if I have to physically beat my lazy ass into gear, I WILL do it.

Here's my photo from last week. 

This image almost didn't exist. That's a weird thought right? Because here it is. You're looking at it, but think for a moment. If I didn't go out and make this, it would not exist. Maybe in my mind yes, but you wouldn't be looking at it right now.

Even after I had taken the 16 or 20 images this photo is made out of, I almost gave up. Photoshop would NOT merge them no matter what I tried, so I gave up. Then later that evening I decided let me give it one more go and I started manually blending the images together and man, was it glorious! I got so damn excited as the image took shape.

Some have asked me what the story behind it is. It's basically my frustration with myself. This constant battle that I have raging inside my head. Screaming from opposite sides of the fence. I'll be continuing the series, but progress will be slow as I find that I have to be in a certain mind set for the images to not feel forced. In between though I'll be plotting new things and creating new work.

Thanks for reading

What Next?

Now that "Dudes with Beards" is on the back burner and the exhibition was well received, what's next? I am carrying on with the "DWB" project and when I get to a hundred I'd like to do a book, but right now that's just a pipe dream :) To be honest I am not too sure at the moment. I have some ideas, but I am being dismissive; thinking that it's not "good enough".

I have a Mamiya RB67 in my possession, so I am thinking I should do something with that, but again I am not sure. I think I should just go out and shoot something, anything, maybe do some street shooting to get the creative juices flowing.

For now though here are some BTS shots (done by my friend Ett Venter) of us putting up the prints for the exhibition. Thanks to him and his girlfriend; Shannon; for helping me out. Oh and the prints are for sale if Dudes with Beards are your thing; please note that some have been bought already, so just ask for availability.

Confidence

con·fi·dence

noun /ˈkänfədəns/  /-fəˌdens/ 
confidences, plural

1. A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities

 Self-confidence does not necessarily imply 'self-belief' or a belief in one's ability to succeed. For instance, one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain 'confident' in one's demeanor, simply because one does not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity.

No, no, this is not a class on literature or how to spell confidence. It is something I struggled (and sometimes still struggle) with on a regular basis. I've really only recently felt more steadfast in my abilities as a photographer/creative/artist or whatever adjective you'd like to use.

Now the above paragraph for self-confidence I kind of agree with, but only a little. I place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of my photography and if I feel I failed then obviously my confidence gets its ass kicked a little. I also don't feel that I am inept, but I do however feel I haven't even scratched the surface with my photography and where my skill set is. That's my own fault though.

Just this morning I saw this quote again from an amazing photographer and artist - Jeremy Cowart - "I’ve found that my confidence as a photographer is directly connected to how often I’m shooting. In other words, keep shooting." And I realized after this weekend just how true that statement is. I shot some live band photography this weekend (something those who know me, know I love and it's also the thing that got me into photography). I sucked though! And I can blame the venue and the lighting and whatever, but the truth of the matter is, I haven't been shooting bands often enough and developing my skills in that area.

I am still however feeling very confident, coz I know where the issues lie. In myself and that's okay. I've been practicing other skills and getting good results and I am happy. I just finished my personal project Dudes with Beards and the exhibition is on Friday. And last weekend I had one of the best shoots of my life thus far. I am happy to share the photos of that shoot with you here today.

I have another personal project in mind and I'll hopefully get that ball rolling in the next week or two. I'm excited. 

PS: I've been featured! How awesome is that? Me?! Hell, I don't feel I deserve it, but I am stoked. Thanks to I Love Pretoria and Mixed Apples for your time. I am truly blessed.

Without further ado, here is the portrait shoot with John. 

Thanks for reading